The Present of the Present

Lately my “to do list” has been waking me up in the morning. Juggling five part time jobs and all of my creative and social activities has required nothing short of Martha Stewartesque, genius planning. Before going to bed and as soon as I open my eyes, the list starts running. It is endless and, taken all at once, is extremely overwhelming. “Hyperattention” to the little details of living have the potential to cause stress and anxiety.

So what’s the cure?



The present of the present. It sounds like a paradox, but it is true. Being present to the present moment decreases the stress and anxiety that our endless parade of tasks can create.

I’ve heard it said, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” Although I do not endorse eating elephants (they are beautiful creatures after all), the message of the saying is clear. When we look at a large task or a long to do list, it seems as though the relative level of difficulty in achieving it is tremendous. However, when we focus on one task, one breath, one moment at a time, we are given a gift. That gift is the possibility of enjoying the present! Being present allows the to do list to fall away leaving only the pleasure of the current activity. From that space, we have access to creative ideas and inspiration that will assist us in getting all those other things done.

Rikka Zimmerman, a spiritual teacher, asks that we consider the possibility that we are “jacks of all trades and masters of none”. Perhaps our spirits enjoy the variety that having multiple tasks allows. Perhaps we are meant to enjoy this variety to the utmost.

Along with the seeming shift in economics and in consciousness, we seem to be called upon to express more of our gifts and talents in order to meet what we perceive as our basic needs. For me, that has meant allowing myself full expression as an educator, healer, singer, writer and speaker.

I don’t see my to do list getting any shorter anytime soon. In fact, I just auditioned to be in a musical (I know, with all my spare time). I’ve given up the idea that I’m ever going to have any extra time. All I really have is this present moment and my intention is to enjoy it.

We Are All Healers

"Why didn't they accept the payment?", the teller at the bank asked innocently. "It's a long story", I offered. This was the upset of the day that got me where I needed to be. I was getting "sick and tired" of being "sick and tired." So many things seemed to be going wrong in my life--I'd been sick for almost two weeks, finances didn't look that great, and my heart felt like it needed some major mending. It was a gloomy day so my first thought was to go home, make some tea, put on my pajamas and sleep. It was only 3 p.m.



Once I left the bank I decided that if there was ever a time to call upon spiritual tools, this was it. So instead of going home, I decided to go to the Marriott and check out a healer named Braco (pronounced Brautzo) that I had heard was doing a "gazing" every hour on the hour. A friend had informed me that his voice would also be heard during the final gazing; a rare treat since he hasn't spoken publicly for the past eight years.

I'd participated in a gazing session at my spiritual center the day before and noted that the people around me had varying reactions to the experience. The woman on my left sobbed the entire time, while the woman on my right seemed to be waiting for something profound to occur. "What next?" she asked aloud.

I'd experienced a profound sense of peace and calm. I somehow knew that we all have the power to heal with our gaze of love. The next day, however, the upset I experienced at the bank overshadowed that knowing. I felt that I needed to have as much or more positive input than the negative input I felt inundated with. I decided to hold the intention of a heart healing for myself and for several loved ones. I also intended to have a shift in the area of finances.

I parked my car on a residential street near the hotel and walked. It had stopped raining long enough for me to walk without my umbrella up. I descended to the ballroom level on the escalator. The first person I saw was a fairly famous actress. We're friends on Facebook, but I don't think she knew. She smiled anyway.

The next person I saw was someone I'd known for several years from church. She was in a wheelchair. Once I got my ticket for the gazing, I headed over to the line that was forming to enter the ballroom. The last person in line was a friend. She'd posted a comment on my Facebook page saying that she'd be there in the afternoon. I had no idea we'd be there at the same hour. She had brought a collage of photos of her loved ones which was pasted on a piece of cardboard.

As we talked, we shared our intentions for the gazing. Several other people we knew from church exited the ballroom as we were waiting; including the woman who'd told me about the gazing. I saw people that had been healing clients of mine. I also saw several people I'd seen the day before at the Conscious Life Expo. Seeing again that this spiritual community is so small, it reminded how we are all truly one.

During our conversation, my friend happened to lift the piece of cardboard with the photos of her loved ones to her chest. This gave me a glimpse of the back side of the cardboard. I saw the name of the company that the box she'd cut up had come from--Intuit. This was the name of the company that one of the loved ones I was praying for works with. I recognized instantly this amazing "God wink" and I knew that I was in the right place at the right time. Then my right hand began to vibrate.



This was a significant sign for me because I am an energy worker. The left hand typically represents the receiving hand and the right hand the giving hand. My right hand usually "heats up" when I'm either around someone who needs energy work or near someone or something that carries that high spiritual consciousness or vibration.

We soon entered the ballroom. After the welcome and some sweet flute music, a recording was played of Braco's voice. The message was in Croatian with no translation. The feeling tone was familiar, however. Later, in the parking lot, my friend and I would translate the message into English although we speak no Croatian.

Shortly after the message, Braco was introduced. He entered the ballroom, stood on a wooden platform on the makeshift stage, and gazed at the audience for the duration of one song. My crown and third eye chakra were activated. I felt heat in those areas. Then I began to see different images and became aware of certain experiences that I was going to have in the near future. I felt a resurgence of hope and a profound love for all; even the person I was praying for that I didn't even like. I noticed that more than anything, I thought about my loved ones and held the intention for their highest good to be done. I placed them in my heart, even the one I don't like, and held them there inundated with all the love I've ever felt---all the love that is. Finances took a back seat to this so much, that I hardly thought about it. I anticipated a major shift in my life, or perhaps my consciousness and I was excited to see how it would all manifest.

In the parking lot, my friend and I downloaded the message. "You are perfect, whole and complete. You are made in the image and likeness of God. Your highest good is done. All is well. And so IT IS."

Action Addiction

"I'm sorry we didn't do anything exciting."

My friend's apology came after a leisurely day filled with time at her home with her husband and kids and a brief shopping excursion. I was visiting her for three days to keep her company as she had just had surgery. I told her that I was okay with relaxing and that she didn't need to entertain me with something "exciting".



Her apology made me think about how it seems that at times we all become addicted to entertainment, excitement, or DRAMA. If something isn't happening that's worthy of a Facebook post or even a "tall tale" to entertain friends with, we think life is boring. Or maybe that's just me or someone you know.

The truth that I know is that being given the opportunity to engage in life itself is amazing, exciting, and worthy of a Facebook post! To have the opportunity to live, breathe, and have our experiences in this body, in this now is more than worthy of celebration.

When I'm with my friends and family, I make it a practice to keep reminding myself to be fully present in the moment rather than allowing my mind to run down my "to do list" or think about what's next. This allows me to really appreciate the experience that I am having in the Now. There's NOTHING more exciting than that. Here's to Now!

Sit Your Behind Down!

If you live outside of Southern California, you don't EVEN want to know what the weather is like today. You'd hate me. Eighty degrees in March! I took a walk by the beach today. I always learn something on my walks, but today I wasn't really looking for a lesson-I just wanted to take in some sunshine and ocean energy.

As I walked on The Strand in Manhattan Beach, I took in the ocean, the birds, the surfers, and all the children being pushed in strollers. And then there were the dogs. I noticed a woman walking a black and white dog. I noticed that the woman was going at a pretty good clip, walking in the opposite direction. All of the sudden, mid-stride, the dog lay down. Belly to cement, tongue hanging out, done. It was as if the dog suddenly said, "forget this mess. I'm taking a breather." The woman walking the dog quickly saw the futility of pulling the leash as it was clear that the dog wasn't going anywhere. This was an instance where I truly did LMAO.


What was the lesson? I realized that there are so many times in my life where I am going great guns and could use a break. The pressures of accomplishing things and checking things off my "to do list" are unavoidable. Or so it seems. The truth is that just like that dog, I can stop and take a breath. I can take some time to regroup before moving on. Even spiritual warriors need a break and taking a breather doesn't mean that I won't accomplish all my goals; it just means that I'll be refreshed and centered when I do.

After I laughed for what seemed an eternity, I sat down on a bench to look at the ocean. Like that little dog, I took a breather. I took in the sights and sounds around me. I looked at my hands which were red and slightly swollen from pumping my arms on my long walk. After a few moments of appreciation for my surroundings, I got up and completed my goal. I still made the distance, but I stopped to enjoy the journey and take in the view along the way.

Retreat to Advance-Joshua Tree Silent Meditation Retreat Chronicles Part II

Day Two, Afternoon

The hardest part, for me, about being on a silent meditation retreat were meal times. Although seated across the table from someone I've always thought was sweet and really cute, I could not talk to him. Next to me was a friend that I adore and I had to avoid eye contact so that I would not be tempted to engage in conversation with her or giggle.

I thought to myself, "Why do I need to talk now? What would I say, anyway?" I imagined that to my friend I'd say, "I'm so honored to be on this journey with you." To the man across the table I'd say, "I've always thought you were such a sweetheart and we've never really had the chance to talk. How cool is it to be able to do that now."

Instead, I smiled at both and looked away quickly. I chuckled at myself for thinking that I need words in order to communicate when the energy I send out and receive is much more powerful. I chuckled because no one knew what I was thinking.

Retreat to Advance-Joshua Tree Silent Meditation Retreat Chronicles

Day Two, Morning

When I woke up, my first words were, "Oh sh$@!" It was 7:14 am. I'd woken up at 6:15 am and had hit the proverbial snooze button with the intention of going to yoga class at 7:30 am. Up to that point, I'd been really good about being in the silence. I could only laugh at myself for breaking my serene silence with an expletive. Good thing my roommate wasn't there to witness it.

At yoga class I felt less flexible than I remembered myself being. I enjoyed focusing on my breath and I took it easy on myself, although it was a challenging class for me. My roommate had come to get me right before yoga, but I lost track of her after the class. I went to breakfast on my own.



After a day of meditation, I realized that I was having premonitions. What was interesting was that they would come to me as images during meditation. What was also interesting is that they were regarding something unexpected---food. That's right, every day in meditation I would see one of the foods we'd be eating at the next meal. The first time it was a bowl of raisins. I walked into the dining hall at breakfast and there they were next to the oatmeal. The second day it was blueberries (which accompanied the vegan dessert at dinner). Finally, the third day it was bananas. I wondered why premonitions about lottery numbers weren't forthcoming.

Later, I walked the labyrinth on the property. As I walked, I gave myself permission to experience miracles. I affirmed that I am peace. I knew that God always brings my desires or something better. And I gave thanks.

Surrendering Versus Giving Up

Yesterday I had a thought concerning a relationship: I give up! This thought came out of a moment of frustration, hurt, and anger. Then I started to think about surrender. If I surrender this situation to the all good of God, is that the same thing as giving up? So I checked in with myself as to the energetic of the two statements: I give up! versus I surrender. Surrendering feels better. I had to ask myself, why is that?

Giving up comes from frustration. You've tried everything, nothing works, so why keep trying? The analogy I thought of was this. If I'm standing in an airplane with a parachute on and I don't take the risk and jump, that's giving up (or is that having sense? But I digress).


Surrendering comes from a different place emotionally. I'm standing in an airplane, I have a parachute on, and I fall effortlessly into the air knowing that I am held and sustained. Surrendering assumes that all will be taken care of. It is the realization that every situation that appears in life is guaranteed to reveal more goodness, more perfection, and more God. It is knowing that my highest good is achieved in EVERY circumstance; whether I like the outcome or not.

I choose to trust in God. I choose surrender. I surrender all. It just feels better. And so it is!